Farewell 2019

Life challenges us; and sometimes, some of us get way more than our share. I know, I’ve been there.  This past year, I watched several of my friends face horrendous challenges. My heart ached quietly from the sidelines for them, as their lives shattered into a million pieces. I didn’t say much.  Truthfully, I didn’t know what to say. What are words in the face of such hardships and tragedies? They don’t change anything. They can’t fix what’s broken, or return what’s lost.  I don’t have magic words any more than I have a magic wand.  So, I did what many did, and shamefully uttered a few platitudes and then didn’t say anything else.  I occasionally reached out, but I didn’t push. I didn’t want to intrude.  I just wanted them to know I’m still here.   I don’t have magic words, but I do have a sympathetic ear. Or if they just wanted to ‘forget’, I can offer ridiculous comedy at my own expense. I can do that. I’m kind of good at making myself the butt of the joke.

Ordinarily, my New Year’s posts are about how I’m NOT sad to see the previous year go. Usually because I see so many other’s being negative about the past. I always look at the past as a positive.  Because…. I’ve had to learn how to turn negatives into positives, or I’d just drown in the quagmire of it all.  As I said, I’ve faced my own demons & challenges.  I’ve been there.  So, this would be the point where I tell you all how hard I’ve worked this year investing in myself, blah blah blah. Then I could blather about some of the highlights. More blah de blah blah blah…………………      But this year, I’m not going to do that.  I’m not going to make light of the hardships that others have faced. I’m NOT blind. I see you. Yes, I SEE YOU.  I see you battling, and pushing and fighting. I see you on the days where you’re hanging on by a thread, and I see the days where you appear to be an indomitable force to others.  While others may think “hey he/she’s got this, they’re overcoming it”. What I see is “She/he’s got her mask on, her/his game-face on”.   You’re at war and you’re prepared for battle.  Fighting for your sanity, for your life, for your family; armored and with every weapon you can get your hands on. While on the inside, you’re barely held together with bits of scotch tape and band-aids.  I see you, and I’m so very proud at how hard you’re kicking ass.

2019 was hard for many of you and I’m not going to make an empty promise of ‘things get better’.  Maybe they do for some, maybe they don’t. Usually, we just learn how to better DEAL with the challenges. At least, that’s how it worked for me. Everyone is different. That’s the truth of it.  Pain doesn’t go away, it doesn’t fade. We just learn to live with it, to move around it, how to tuck it away.   Some even find ways to ‘use’ pain and turn it into something constructive.  I don’t have the answers. What I have is an open door, a listening ear, a sympathetic shoulder, and a poor excuse for comic relief.

What we all have is a new day, starting tomorrow.  A new minute, that can start right now.  We don’t have to wait for New Year’s eve for a ‘new start’.  I don’t know why some folks think we do. It’s a silly notion.  So while I don’t look on my own past year with sadness, I do look back on the past year of others’ with sadness; so I think starting fresh would be nice for many.

One of my demon’s once quoted to me “Seek and you shall find, it is always so in life”. I took that positive from the negative and used it in my own fight…. and it’s remained true. I do truly believe that if you look hard enough, you’ll find it.  So my wish for 2020 is for all of you to continue to overcome your challenges.   For all of you to find joy even in the smallest of things, such as fresh laundered & crisp sheets. To find beauty everywhere, like raindrops glistening on windows.  Most of all, for all of you to be healthy and happy.

Love to all of you, HAPPY NEW YEAR!




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